Wednesday 30 January 2013

Don't Trust Mortality...

That one post that I made when I announced I was bowing out for the summer to tend to my tomatoes has really come back to bite me on the ass a few times since. Damn!

What I said at the time was, "I'm going to do my impersonation of Vito Corleone and tend to my tomatoes, sans the heart attack, I hope." Kick my butt if you ever see I've used a similar style of comment.

I started to have bouts of lightheadedness and dizziness a couple of months ago and immediately called the doctor and made an appointment to have a physical. The day before my appointment, it appears I passed out while I was out walking the dog. I just woke up flat on my back in the middle of the sidewalk with no idea how I got there. I got myself home and my wife immediately drove me to the closest emergency hospital. 

As it turns out, the electrical controls in my heart have slowly been short circuiting over the past few months and as a result, my body has been considerably shortchanged when it comes to oxygen. When your oxygen content gets too low for things to work properly, things shut down. This isn't the most serious issue in the world of medicine, but I can tell you that one of its major downsides is the lack of warning. Scares the bejeebers out of you, I can assure you.

When I hit emergency, they immediately hooked me up to a ECG monitor and whisked me up to the Cardiac Care Unit. The next day they informed me they were going to install a pacemaker and that was that. Thirty hours after I arrived I had a new little friend tucked under my skin just below my left shoulder blade and that was that. 

Oh, ya. The doctor also told me that I hit my head on the sidewalk when I passed out and it took four staples to close the gash. I don't believe her - not in the least. That crack in my skull was made by my mortality that had dropped by to introduce itself. To get my attention, the little bugger hauled off and kicked me in the head when I was already down. I'm sure of it.